The game at hand

Short-attention-span synopsis: Spring game in the fall. O-H-z-z-z-z-z-z. The Las Vegas Strip(ped of dignity). Rebel yell (for mercy). Ocean’s 54 for Buckeyes.

Pregame buzz: Let an open 2-liter of soda sit on the equator for three months, then take a swig. Tastes like the no-fizz of OSU-UNLV. Only question was would the Flying Elvises (Columbus chapter) parachute into the 'Shoe like Army’s cadets did a week earlier. Uh, no, thank you very much.

The $65 question: A crowd of 106,187 saw fit to pay that price for a face-value ticket to a public execution. Can’t blame the many fans for leaving early after 40-point favorite OSU led 44-7 at halftime and the temperature reached 90 degrees. Folks in sun-splashed east-side C deck looked like rotisserie chickens. This show should have included free dinner at the Hollywood Casino.

One-liner: If you missed the Vegas game, imagine going to a Siegfried & Roy show and seeing the tiger eat someone.

Just wondering: To make OSU feel better, wouldn’t it have been cheaper to buy each player a pony instead of pay UNLV $1.3 million? The Rebels traveled 2,000 miles to roll over. The Buckeyes threw for a school-record 474 yards, yet had eight penalties and three turnovers and gave up three sacks to an opponent that had registered one total against Howard and Idaho. Who can tell what any of it means when 55 different OSU players saw game action? Can we just fast-forward to Oct. 28 and Penn State now?

The View

How the team sees it: Sure was nice to see “Script Ohio” performed at practice. Uh, what?

How the pollsters will see it: The Rat Pack would have been a tougher foe. And they're all dead.

Urban dictionary

What he said: “I’m not going to take a poll and ask them.”

What it means: “Fans can vote with their voices for a quarterback, but I’m the reigning dictator.”

If this was Sinatra performing at the Sands

Women would have swooned as Ol’ Blue Eyes caught a touchdown pass for OSU, too.

What would Brutus Do?

Make a cameo in the sequel to the 1989 movie “Las Vegas Bloodbath.” Pay no attention to that hatchet. If the big Buckeye head don’t fit, you must acquit.

They said it

Your turn/the channel: The Big Ten Network had more announcers in the booth (three) than UNLV had missed field goal attempts (two). Good to see and hear James Laurinaitis again. Matt Millen? Well, as usual, OSU fans on social media fired more arrows into him than Custer took on top of that Montana hill.

Numbers for dummies

14: Number of yards J.T. Barrett is shy of becoming the first OSU player to reach 10,000 yards of total offense in a career.

13: The number of tackles for loss by the Buckeyes. Nick “I think we’ll shut ’em out” Bosa had three.

3: Consecutive games Parris Campbell has had a kickoff return of 40-plus yards.

7: Number of OSU players who caught a touchdown pass. That’s a school and Big Ten record.

2: Number of OSU players who caught a touchdown pass in the 1971 season. (Each had one score).

$10 million: The amount donated to UNLV in 2016 for construction of a new football facility. Why?

On tap

The Buckeyes travel to Ruh-Roh-Rutgers. OSU has outscored the Scarlet Knights 163-24 in winning all three of the matchups in a storied Big Ten rivalry dating back to 2014.

Tweethearts

Best responses to @Todd_Jones on Twitter:

@tommylonn: “Clubbing baby seals is a sport?”

@MattTwombly1: “UNLV is hoping what happens in Columbus stays in Columbus”

@jack_mcguirk: “Well UNLV college didn’t show so Las Vegas called their High School team to come play”

@BillKlosterman: “You’d think the ‘Top Valued’ team in CFB could recruit a kicker whose one job is to keep the ball in play”

@Buckeyes1117: “Rebels — more Cirque du Soleil, Fat Elvis impersonator, or craps table? They are a bachelor party away from a hangover in OH”

@REMausser: “At least replace Seven Nation Army with Tiptoe Through the Tulips when playing outmatched opponents”

@jleegill: “I think Larry the Dr Pepper guy is starting QB next possession”

@laxreftom: “Now quarterbacking for the Buckeyes, number 00, Brutus Buckeye”

Horseshoe haiku

Viva OSU

The Buckeyes run the table

Snake eyes for Rebels

tjones@dispatch.com

@Todd_Jones