The world is awash in absolutes. Either you love Fox News or hate it. Love fruity beer or hate it. Love Starbucks or hate it. With diminishing gray area, now seems a good time to tackle current sports topics with a game of “Would you rather …?”

Your answers may differ, but you must take sides. No wiggle room.

• Given current controversies, would you rather be Ohio State athletic director Gene Smith or Crew SC owner Anthony Precourt? I’ll take Smith. Buckeye Nation is much larger than Massive, which means more Ohio State fans want Smith sent packing than want Precourt to fall off a cruise ship, but at least Gene the money machine has friends in high places. Precourt’s popularity smells like durian. And Austin is learning that Precourt Sports Ventures’ planning results in something akin to Downtown bike lanes. Disaster waiting to happen.

• Would you rather be Urban Meyer or Ohio State President Michael V. Drake? Meyer may not be beloved in the same way fans adored Woody Hayes and Jim Tressel, but he is appreciated for the success he demands and delivers. Plus, he only fired his wide receivers coach. Drake axed the OSU band director four years ago. Holy Hang on Sloopy. After making enemies in 2014 by ruling that TBDBITL’s Jon Waters must go, you think Drake wants to tangle with O-H, I-O donors by showing Meyer the exit? But the president also faces national public relations ramifications if he fails to dole enough punishment in a case associated with domestic violence. So give me Meyer. And his millions.

• Would you rather own season tickets to the Crew or Cleveland Browns? Close call. One city soon could be without a team and the other has not had one for almost two decades. Push comes to shove, I’ll throw in with the Crew, which at least offers hope for a bright future. And you can watch games knowing a win is possible.

• The NFL and college football are about to begin, LeBron James is jetting between Akron and Los Angeles and President Trump is doing whatever he does when he’s not tweeting. Put them together and …

Would you rather get stuck in an airline seat between Jim Harbaugh and Bill Belichick or between The Donald and LeBron? No earbuds allowed. Yikes. To avoid Captain Khaki Pants’ chaotic chatter you could always rest your head on Belichick’s shoulder and fake like you’re sleeping. But that puts you awfully close to constant mumbling. On the other hand, fireworks would break out when LeBron and LePrez go at it. Does anyone want that? Yes. I’m all about returning from trips with stories to tell. Give me the King and the Ruler.

• Standing for the national anthem remains a hot topic. And an alien recently was spotted north of Mount Vernon, so would you rather spend 30 minutes with Colin Kaepernick or Kyrie Irving? Irving thinks the earth is flat, so what other crazy talk might ensue? Plus, who doesn’t want to know what LeBron is like beyond the sound bites? I would be curious if Kaepernick would protest differently, considering the heat he has taken; but ultimately, I’d hang with Irving. I appreciate uncommon thinkers like Kaepernick, but don’t get many chances to experience athletes from outer space.

• Would you rather go all in by keeping Artemi Panarin, hoping he powers the Blue Jackets deep into the playoffs, even if it means losing him for nothing next season? Or trade the Russian now for a futures-heavy package or player such as Florida’s Henrik Borgstrom? I push my chips all in by keeping Panarin. Strike now. Better to aim high in the moment than keep placing bricks on top of cardboard.

roller@dispatch.com

@rollerCD