The challenge with this year’s ABCs of March Madness was how to get Yale into the Final Four. I figure if the rich and famous can pay millions of dollars to get their kids into prestigious schools, I can look into what it would take to get Yale into a prestigious event like the NCAA Tournament.
I called Felicity Huffman. No answer. Lori Loughlin did not return my messages. I turned to Yale grad George W. Bush. He referred me to Dick Cheney.Get the news delivered to your inbox: Sign up for our BuckeyeXtra newsletter
Basically, I struck out, so the best I could do was get the Bulldogs into the second round. And with that …
A is for Auburn. The Tigers won the SEX tournament on Sunday, not the SEC, according to the CBS affiliate in Birmingham, Alabama. No word on how the games were officiated.
B is for Buffalo. MACtion, baby! Cinderella wears snow boots and will stomp its way to the Sweet 16.
C is for crying. What’s the over-under on how many times TV will show players boo-hooing on the bench? Ten?
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D is for death by upset. You went chalk with your bracket, picking all the favorites. Then the upsets begin and your picks are trash by the end of the first weekend. Join the club.
E is for no school in the field begins with E. What in the name of Pat Sajak is up with that? Not an East or Eastern to be found anywhere.
F is for Fletcher Magee. The Wofford senior guard shoots 41.3 percent from three-point range, is within three of the all-time Division I record for threes (502) and has averaged more than 20 points a game for two seasons. Could be this year’s breakout star.
G is for Gardner-Webb. The Runnin’ Bulldogs are a No. 16 seed playing No. 1 Virginia. Could catastrophe strike the Cavaliers again? Uh, no.
H is for “Hoosiers.” How high are the rims at Nationwide Arena, which will host Midwest games? Same as they are at tiny Iona College in New Rochelle, New York. Iona coach Tim Cluess may want to channel Gene Hackman and measure them before the No. 16 Gaels play No. 1 North Carolina.
I is for Iowa coach Fran McCaffery. Keep an eye on this volcano, because he’s likely to blow.
J is for 15-foot jumper. Does this still exist?
K is for Kentucky. I always find a way to say something snarky about the Wildcats. Not this time. Go Kittens!
L is for Louisville. The Cardinals, who finally went Sonny Corleone toll-booth scene on Rick Pitino, open against Minnesota, which is coached by Rick’s son, Richard. It’s like "The Godfather" on hardwood.
M is for Michigan playing Montana. In the first round. For the second year in a row. Come on, committee. You can do better.
N is for noise, as in too much of it. Remember, when watching games in the office, use earbuds for boss protection. You can thank me later.
O is for onions. As Bill Raftery likes to say, it takes a pair to perform well in the Big Dance.
P is for pick one. Duke or the field?
Q is for quick exits. Don’t let the door hit you on the way out, LSU, Wisconsin and Kansas State.
R is for replay review. Here’s an idea: Let’s kill the crowd energy and possibly break a team’s momentum by taking too long to decide if a ball went off a player’s fingertips. Bah.
S is for shooters. Ohio State needs them if the Buckeyes expect to get past Iowa State on Friday.
T is for Turrible. Charles Barkley is back, and as laughably bad, bold and beautiful as ever.
U is for underappreciated. Michigan’s John Beilein, Gonzaga’s Mark Few and Florida State’s Leonard Hamilton are among a handful of excellent coaches who live in the shadow of bigger names like Mike Krzyzewski, Tom Izzo and Bill Self.
V is for victim mentality. AKA John Calipari.
W is for “what the …?” What a coach says when his center, who shoots 19 percent from three-point range, jacks one up.
X is for no Xavier. Only the second time in the last 14 seasons the Musketeers did not make it in. Cincinnati says, “Awww.”
Y is for yellow. For those who fill out brackets based on school colors, and who love lemon hues, your options are limited. Only Oregon and North Dakota State claim yellow (not maize or gold) as a primary color.
Z is for Zion Williamson. Would look good in wine and gold next year.